“Everything happens for a reason.”
That has to be one of the most quoted lines in history. It’s usually said to explain away the unexplainable. For the more religious, the equivalent is “A blessing in disguise.”
I don’t know if it happened for a reason or if it was my blessing in disguise, but I do know that I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
I remember when T-Daddy and I first found out we were pregnant. It was not an easy time for either of us. I was met with contempt from his friends who felt I ruined his life because I didn’t get an abortion and my friends just dropped like flies because they either had their own misconceptions of what pregnant life meant for me or they didn’t agree with my choice of co-procreator. T-Daddy was constantly met with advice of how he should handle the situation, which never lined up with what he was actually doing. And we both were called everything that was antonymous with smart, responsible and capable.
In fact, T-Daddy later told me that he can only recall one person that was genuinely happy, supportive and encouraging when he told them the news. Honestly, the barrage of “How could you do this?” “I expected more from you?” “Your life is now ruined.” kind of overshadows any supportive statements I may have gotten. I can tell you that if I did get any, it was definitely in the minority. T-Daddy’s family did take the opportunity to embrace me and get to know me, regardless of how they may have felt about the pregnancy. That, I do remember.
But despite everyone’s negative reactions, it never colored the love I felt for my unborn child. I remember loving her the moment I heard the heartbeat. Which would also be the same moment the doctor confirmed I was indeed pregnant.
Now I’d be lying if I said I was onboard the entire pregnancy. Or that I didn’t, for 5 seconds, think of alternatives. I constantly thought about what I was getting myself into and how my life, our lives, were changing and would be changed forever. I questioned if I was doing the right thing, if it was too late to go back, if I was ruining T-Daddy’s life. I asked myself over and over if I was being selfish and if I would be able to provide a stable, healthy life for this child I was about to bring into the world.
But, I couldn’t picture life without my child. Not after I had seen her on the ultrasound and heard her growing inside me. And, even though I chose to have the child that we created, I never made a decision for T-Daddy. He could have chosen to run far away and forget that I or our child existed. He could have chosen to parent and co-parent a 1,000 different ways. He chose to stay with me and raise our child – now children – as a family unit. And I chose to stay with him. Whatever came afterwards was a result of our individual choices.
It has not always been easy. It has not always felt real. I have not always been sure of every move and decision I make. When I step back and admire my family – the family that I am 50% responsible for, the family that I helped to create, the family that we have self-branded as T4 – when I step back and reflect on what my life is like, the one thing that I know without a shadow of a doubt is that I love us. Yes, the beginning was a huge storm of God’s strength, but God is good and He has given us something that is so pure, I treasure it every second I live.
Storms get a bad rep for being destructive and something bad, but sometimes you need a good storm to wipe out the ordinary so you can start all over with something beautiful.
That is the Beauty in the Eye of the Storm.
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