Either someone told TD2 that a tummy ache was her Get Out of Jail Free card, or she took it upon herself to decide that. Either way, every conversation in our house now sounds like:
T-Mommy/T-Daddy: Eat your food.
TD2: But Mommy/Daddy, my tummy hurt.
T-Mommy/T-Daddy: Go to bed.
TD2: Mommy/Daddy, my tummy hurt.
T-Mommy/T-Daddy: Clean your room.
TD2: But Mommy/Daddy, my tummy hurt.
When that doesn’t work, she just runs to us, rubs our face and ever so sweetly says, “I want you!”
TD1: Mom, you’re not my real mom.
Me: Who’s your real mom?
TD1: My real mom and dad are invisible. I was invisible and then I came here through an invisible mirror.
Me: Oh really? When did you come through the mirror?
TD1: When I was 5.
Me: But you’re 4 now.
TD1: Yeah, I got younger when I went through the invisible mirror and now I’m not five here but in the invisible world I’m really 5 and my real parents are invisible too. And my invisible mom is nice. She lets me eat all the candy I want and I’m happy because it doesn’t give me cavities. I never have cavities in my real life. But Mom?
Me: Yes sweetie?
TD1: My invisible dad is mean. He yells at my invisible mom and pushes her and bites her. So I put him in timeout for four minutes because he’s four and then he eats all his food and get bigger and bigger and then he forgets and yells at invisible mom again and bites her and pushes her because invisible Daddy is mean.
Me: That is mean. It’s a good thing that Daddy isn’t your invisible Daddy and he’s nice to you.
TD1: But he’s not my real daddy. My real Mommy and Daddy are invisible like me. But I came through the invisible mirror so you can see me but not them.
Me: Do you want to go to sleep in your room?
Me: Do you want to go to sleep with Mommy?
Me: Well, those are your only options: either sleep in your room or sleep with me.TD2: Ummmmm no!
Sent her to her room where she laughed and played till not T-Daddy and I took turns yelling for her to lay down. At which point, she screamed the whole time, then cried “I want su Mommy!!!” But, true to her word, she did NOT go to sleep.
A while back, TD2 was crying but no one knew why. She met every question I asked with a resounding “NO!” So TD1 decided that she would be a better interrogator.
TD1: What do you want [TD2]? You want me? You want me to eat it? Mommy, I think she wants me to eat her snacks.
And, there you have it folks. My 2-year-old was inconsolable because she wanted her big sister to eat her snacks. ????
Last Monday, the TDs were out of school, so we went to the library. They had a fun, free concert and then TD1 wanted to check out books. (Apparently, she’s a pro at the whole process because her class regularly visits the library.) While we were there, the following convos took place.
TD1: This book’s not English.
T-Mommy: No, it’s Polish.
TD1: Why’s it Polish?
T-Mommy: Because you picked up the Polish version.
TD1: All the other ones not English?
T-Mommy: They are. You picked the English version for the other books.
TD1: Good, because I don’t like not English. I don’t know how to read it.
T-Mommy: I see. Well you can learn how to read Polish.
TD1: What’s this one? This one English?
T-Mommy: No, it’s Spanish. I forgot [TD2] picked this one.
TD1: Cuz her need to learn Spanish.
T-Mommy: Yes, SHE needs to learn Spanish. You do too.
TD1: Good, she need learn all her Spanish. I don’t. I already know how to read. *walks off*
*playing Dora on the computer*
TD1: Mommy, how do I get to the cooking one? I need you to take me to the cooking one. I need the cooking one. I gotta practice for my cooking class and I gonna get SO MAD if I can’t practice cuz I love my cooking class!
The other day, I was trying to put up book bags and get us ready for movie night when I heard THE death scream. I went running into the girls’ bathroom to make sure no one fell in the toilet or got eaten by any Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Real Monsters.
T-Mommy: What’s wrong?
TD1: [TD2] flushed the potty and I wanted to do it!!!
T-Mommy: Well sweetie, sometimes things we don’t want to happen, happens. When it does, you can either cry about it or do something about it and make it better. So, Tové flushed the potty, what can you do about it to make it better?
TD1: Poop again!
Overheard at the dinner table:
T-Mommy: May I be excused?
TD1: Ummmm, I still see food.
T-Mommy: I’m gonna save it for later.
TD1: Oh ok, you can be excused.
T-Mommy: I ate all my vegetables.
TD1: But why you didn’t eat all this? *holds up macaroni*
T-Mommy: I did, and I’ll eat the rest later.
TD1: But it’s gon get old.
T-Mommy: Daddy will put it in the refrigerator.
TD1: It’s still gon get old in the frigerator.
T-Mommy: He’ll cover it up.
TD1: It’s still gon get old. You gotta cover it with frosting!
T-Mommy: I’m almost ready. I just need to finish these last two nails because if I don’t…
TD1: I’m gon be so appointed because I really, really like my frozen nails.
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Looking at a $1 bill:
Me: No, that’s the First President of the United States.
TD2: *angry scowl* DAAAAAADDDDY!!
Me: That’s Daddy?
Me: Daddy’s the President of the United States?
TD2: Yes! Daddy! 😀
And, there you have it folks: T4, First Family.
TD1 on race: I not black. I brown. Mommy, you’re not brown. You’re white brown!!! And my hand white brown too!