About a month or two ago, T-Daddy and I got into a huge argument, and after we both had calmed down, we tried to restore some normalcy to our relationship and routine. The problem was that the issue that caused the argument in the first place still had not been resolved. We spent the next few weeks avoiding the elephant in the room until it grew so big we could barely fit in the room with it.
I was ready to attack the elephant and reclaim my living space, but T-Daddy wasn’t. And then I persuaded him to address it before it reached the point of no return he was. So we sat down and we had a long, overdue discussion about us. Our issues. Our fears. Our doubts. He went first, telling me his biggest issues with the relationship. And I listened, asking permission to speak to make sure I didn’t cut him off. I responded to his issues, explaining things that he didn’t understand. Then, I went. And he did the same. And throughout the conversation, we both acknowledged where we were wrong and agreed to work on those things that bothered the other. And in those areas where we could see the other person’s side, but didn’t totally agree that we were wrong or they were right, we did the unthinkable – we came up with a mutually satisfying compromise.
And together, we decided to move forward. The End.
Only, a few days later, I couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t the end. It was too easy. We both took the high road and handled the entire conversation with class and maturity and worked together to make sure both of our needs were going to be met moving forward. Yet, somehow I still felt unsettled. Maybe I should have yelled, or put my foot down more. Why did I agree to compromise? He’s going to think he can walk all over me now. No, I didn’t have a particular issue that I felt I was too easy on him with. I just couldn’t believe the conversation went so well. And then, I caught myself. Why can’t it be easy? Who says that relationships have to be hard? If we both have the same endgame in mind, why can’t we work together to get there? Why does it have to be a Me vs. Him scenario?
I am extremely proud of how we handled a delicate and difficult situation. I hope that we continue to handle future situations like this. I hope that we can continue to grow and mature as individuals and a couple and reach a point where we are teammates and not competitors. We are in this for the long haul, and how much easier and more fun it will be if we are side by side for the journey of parenthood instead of at each other’s throats.
So, why can’t it be easy? Because it definitely doesn’t have to be hard.
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